I Still Need You
by Pnkrockprncess8
Summary: AU to 'Grave Danger'. Greg gets a visit from the team. They try to help him deal with Nick's death. NickGreg slash. I REWROTE THE STORY


Disclaimer: Nope, don't own them.

Greg was laying down on their bed with his eyes closed. Music was coming out of his stereo. It was country music. Who would have ever thought he would have ever liked country music? He never used to, not until he met _him. _Nick Stokes, the older, sexy, and amazing Texan. Greg had fallen in love with the older man the second he laid eyes on him. He had listened to country music everyday, all day ever since Nick's 'incident.'

Greg couldn't say the actual words. He couldn't say 'kidnapping' or 'buried alive.' The pain was still too raw. Two weeks since the incident. Two weeks since his entire world, his life was taken away from him. Two weeks since Nick died. He hadn't moved from this spot in a week and a half. He hadn't left their house in two weeks. He hadn't been to work. He didn't want to see all their faces, all full of pain and pity. He hadn't answered his phone either. He didn't want to hear their meaningless words of sorrow towards him. He hadn't even answered the door. He wanted to be alone. He was going to be alone from now on anyway.

Greg turned his head to the right, Nick's side of the bed. On the nightstand he saw a picture. He sat up and snatched up the picture. He held it in his hands. Tears started rolling down his face. The picture was taken on a beach in California. It was on their 2nd anniversary. You can see the sunset and the beach in the background. Nick was standing behind Greg with his arms wrapped around his waist. Greg was leaning back into Nick while Nick had his chin on Greg's shoulder. Both of them had smiles the size of Texas on their faces.

Nick had planned the entire thing. The night before they were going to head back to Vegas, Nick had given Greg a ring. It was a promise ring. "I know it's kind of cheesy. But I love you so much, Greggo. This is a promise ring, promising that no matter what we'll always be together, forever." Nick had watched as Greg put the ring on. "I love you too, Nicky. Always have and always will…no matter what." Greg kissed Nick fiercely on the lips and they headed back to their room, where they spent the rest of their trip making love to each other.

Greg put his hands over his face as tears poured down his face. He had never taken off the ring Nick gave him and he never planned on doing so. He planned on wearing it until the day he died. He faintly heard the sound of the doorbell. He didn't plan on answering it. He knew who it was. It was his team. They came by every day to check on him. They would stand out there for about 10 minutes before they realized today wasn't the day that Greg was going to open up.

"Greg, c'mon! We know you're in there." He heard Warrick's voice call to him through the door. Greg just turned over and closed his eyes. He could hear them try to open the door. 'Hmm, good thing I locked the door.' He thought to himself.

"Greg, please let us in. We are worried about you. We'll only be here for a minute. Please?" Sara's voice called out to him. She sounded worried. 'They don't care about me. They only care about me getting back to work. Their precious team fell apart and they need more people.' He thought bitterly.

"Greg, just open the goddamn door already." It was Catherine this time. She started to knock on the door. "Greg, we're not leaving until you open the door. So if we have to be here all night so be it."

Greg gave up and reluctantly went to the door. He stopped right before he got to the door. He took a deep breath and opened the door. Standing before him was Grissom, Catherine, Sara, and Warrick. "Hi." He said softly.

Catherine and Sara both entered the apartment and immediately put their arms around Greg. Grissom cleared his throat and the women let go of Greg. They noticed the far away look on his face. "What are you doing here?" He asked. He hadn't meant to sound as bitter as it came out.

Warrick shrugged his shoulders. "We're worried about you. You haven't been to work in 2 weeks. From the looks of things, you haven't done much of anything in two weeks." He missed Nick so much also but Greg was just sitting in here wasting away. He needed to start living again.

Greg looked at Warrick and shrugged. He walked over to the couch and sat down. They watched as Greg started straight ahead, looking at nothing but air.

Sara sat down beside Greg. She looked at him. He hadn't slept in God knows how long, he looked like he hadn't eaten anything in days, his hair was a mess (worse than usual), and she could tell he hadn't showered in days either. She took his hand. "Greg, we miss you." She whispered. She ran a hand through his hair.

He flinched at the contact. "Don't." He hissed. Sara pulled back her hands and held them in her lap. She turned to the others. Catherine walked over and sat on the other side of Greg. "Greg, don't push us away."

He didn't say anything. Grissom and Warrick both walked over to Greg. They had stayed behind and watched in silence the interaction between Sara, Catherine, and Greg. "Greg, we understand how you must be feeling…" Grissom said and his voice trailed off. Oops. Leave it to Grissom to say the wrong thing.

Greg stood up and started at Grissom, anger shining in his eyes. "Is this why you came over? Pity party for Greg? Poor Greg! His boyfriend was just killed by some psycho!" He shouted.

Warrick shook his head. "No!" He sighed. "God Greg, we miss Nick too. We can't even imagine, though, how much pain you must be in. We want to help you."

Greg wanted to rip his hair out, jump up and down and scream 'I don't need your help! I don't want your help! Leave me alone.' But he didn't. Instead he yelled something else. "Fuck you! Don't you understand? You can't help me. The _**ONLY** _thing that will help me is if by some miracle you bring Nicky back. But you can't." His voice was getting softer and his eyes started forming tears. "You can't bring him back. You miss him because he was your friend. I miss him because I love him. I need him here. I can't live without him. And now I have to spend the **_rest of my live_** without him." He was sobbing now, his body shaking.

Sara wrapped her arms around Greg. Greg shoved her away. "Don't touch me." Tears were running down his face.

"Greg, I know you're hurting right now. All Sara tried to do was comfort you." Grissom defended Sara. "What's wrong? Why won't you let anyone touch you?" He asked gently.

Greg turned to Grissom. "You wanna know why I don't want anyone to touch me?" Grissom slowly nodded his head, not sure of what Greg's answer would be. Greg sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands. He was still crying. "Remember that case with the little boys that were all molested and killed?" The team all verbalized that they remembered since Greg wasn't looking at him. "I came home and I couldn't think about anything, I couldn't feel anything. I was numb. Every time I closed my eyes I saw those boys. Nick came home from shift and saw me on the couch. I was watching Shrek to get my mind away from the case. Didn't work though. I was clutching a pillow and I was crying. I swear Nick must have thought I was crying over the movie. He never said anything though. He sat beside me and pulled me into his arms. I clung to him and I never wanted to let him go. He kept telling that everything was going to be ok. He kept rubbing my back and stroking my hair. He was doing everything he could to make me feel better. It worked."

He paused briefly before continuing. It was so hard to continue. "Nick and I made love that night. We both needed it, I think. I needed to feel alive and that the world wasn't all bad. The next morning was great. Nick was really affectionate. Hell he always is, I mean, was. Every time someone touches me I am reminded of what I lost. It's crazy I know." Greg stopped and finally gave into the tears that threatened to fall when he started the story. He hated crying. But that's all he ever did anymore.

Catherine came over and sat beside him. "I know how you feel. When Eddie died it was hard. Every time I looked at Lindsay I saw him. It reminded of what I lost. Granted, I wasn't in love with Eddie but I loved him and cared about him."

Greg looked at her with the tears pouring from his eyes. "I want the pain to go away. I don't want to feel like this. I pray every night that this is a dream and that I'll wake up and he'll be here. But it never is; he's gone forever." Greg finally gave in to Catherine's opened arms. He buried his head on her shoulder. "Please tell me this is just some really sick joke and that he's not dead." He begged with his voice breaking. It made all of their heart's break.

Catherine shook her head. "I wish I could tell you it was. Greg, I would give anything to have Nick back. But the pain will go away. Even though it doesn't seem like it will now. I promise it will though." She ran her hands over Greg's back.

Greg shook his head in protest. "I'm afraid that if the pain goes away that I'll…" He trailed off. Sara sat on the other side of Greg. "You'll what? Forget Nick?" She asked. She knew it was impossible that Greg would ever forget Nick.

"No! I'll never forget him. No matter what. I'm afraid that I'll stop loving him." Greg admitted. He moved out of Catherine's embrace and looked down toward the ground.

Warrick walked over and kneeled down in front of Greg. "Hey man, I doubt that will ever happen. You love Nick. Love doesn't stop because of death. You and Nick were perfect for each other. True love is hard to find and you guys found it. Just because Nick died doesn't mean your feelings for him die as well. So I think that you'll be in love with Nick until you die, which hopefully is at a very old age." He gave Greg a reassuring grin.

"Wow, I didn't know you had it in you." Sara commented to Warrick's statement. She was smiling at him. Warrick blushed and smiled back at her. "I never pictured you as a romantic person. I like it."

"My grandma was the romantic. She was always taking about love. I think it was because of all the romance novels she read. Guess it rubbed off on me." He was blushing.

Catherine took Greg's hand. "Warrick's right, you know." She glanced at Grissom and smiled at him before turning back to Greg. "I don't think that you'll ever stop loving Nick. He was, is, a big part of your life. Something like that doesn't fade easily."

Greg nodded. "Yeah, I know." He let out a sigh and ran a hand over his face. "This whole two weeks has been very emotionally draining."

Sara let out a small laugh. "Yeah, it sure has."

Grissom walked over to where the group was. "Greg, if you ever need anything or just need to talk we'll be there for you."

"Thanks Grissom. Just to warn you ahead of time, I might need someone quiet a lot."

There were small laughs among everyone. "It's ok, Greg. We understand and we're fine with that." Grissom responded. "Also, take as much time away from work as you need. I'm not taking time away from you."

Greg cleared his throat. "I don't think I'll be coming back." He didn't want to explain why. The lab was a huge reminder to him on Nick. He didn't know that he would be able to be in there and not go crazy. The lab and being a CSI was that Nick loved.

"I understand. Take some time and think about your decision first." Grissom said.

Greg nodded and let out a yawn. "You should get some sleep." Sara said. She rubbed his hand. Greg shook his head. "No, I can't."

"Why not?" Sara asked.

"Nightmares." Greg said simply. He woke up screaming every night. That night would come back do vividly.

Sara nodded, understanding. "Ok, well, I guess we should leave now. Let you alone." She gave Greg a hug and told him to call him whenever he needed her.

Catherine agreed that it was time to leave. She gave Greg a hug as well. "Call me if you ever need anything." The good-byes were similar with Warrick and Grissom.

Greg watched as they drove down the road. He closed the door and leaned his back against it.

**CEMETARY (3 DAYS LATER) **

Greg slowly walked to Nick's grave. It was the first time he has ever been here. He was holding some flowers in his hand. He kneeled down on the ground and ran a hand over the lettering on the grave: _Nick Stokes. Beloved Partner, Friend, Son and Brother. 'May the angels be with you.' _Tears welled up in his eyes.

"God Nicky, it is so hard without you here." He took a deep breath. "Why did you have to leave me here by myself? Huh? I still need you here. I can't live without you. I miss you so fucking much. Damn it, you shouldn't have died. You should have fought harder!" He wanted to be angry but he couldn't. "So many people miss you. The gang was over at the house a few days ago. We all miss you and need you. I am no where near ready to even begin to start living again. I don't even know how to move on to a life without you. I haven't moved from the house. I am finally out of bed, though. Baby, I love you so much."

Greg felt raindrops on his head. He looked up at the sky and saw the dark clouds. "I will never forget you. Nothing can change that. He stood up and took one final look at Nick's grave. "I was afraid if I came here that it would make it real, that you are really gone. But now I'm not afraid to come here anymore. I promise I'll be back." He turned and walked to his car.

Who can say for certain  
Maybe you're still here  
I feel you all around me  
Your memories so clear

Deep in the stillness  
I can hear you speak  
You're still an inspiration  
Can it be (? )  
That you are mine  
Forever love  
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are  
Beyond the distant star  
I wish upon tonight  
To see you smile  
If only for awhile to know you're there  
A breath away's not far  
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping  
Here inside my dream  
And isn't faith believing  
All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you  
Just one beat away  
I cherish all you gave me everyday  
'cause you are mine  
Forever love  
Watching me from up above

And I believe  
That angels breathe  
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up  
To where you are  
Beyond the distant star  
I wish upon tonight  
To see you smile  
If only for awhile  
To know you're there  
A breath away's not far  
To where you are

I know you're there  
A breath away's not far  
To where you are

Josh Groban "To Where You Are"


End file.
